Establishing Emotional Intimacy

Sam Petitfils

"I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine; he browses among the lilies."  Song of Solomon 6:3

I chose this passage as one of many in this Book that describes human love.  God established marital love and the physical relationship between husband and wife.  But Satan targeted this relationship with his ugly wiles, and many succumb to his temptations.  No marriage can survive on sex alone, and sex without emotional intimacy ranks hollow and empty.

Most couples face challenges in matters of emotional intimacy.  Things get in the way, including kids, work and other obligations.  But please note that no marriage can thrive where emotional intimacy is lacking.  Here are some traits of a marriage strong in emotional intimacy:

1.)  Great and regular communication.

2.)  Spending quality time together.

3.)  Quick restoration following an argument.

4.)  Seeking to please my spouse.

5.)  Leading gently, following gladly.

6.)  Respect.

7.)  Making allowances for my spouse’s weaknesses.

8.)  Openness to critique and correction.

9.)  Using gentle words.

10.) Avoiding harsh language.

11.) Not taking the other for granted.

12.) Sensitivity and responding to my spouse’s needs.

Some spouses avoid the physical relationship or merely tolerate it because they lack emotional intimacy.  Where two hearts do not beat as one, we cannot expect a good physical relationship to follow.

Practical steps to establishing emotional intimacy.

1.  Meditate on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, praying over these qualities, asking God to establish them in your life.

2.  Give your spouse the liberty to speak his or her mind, and then ask them if you have failed in any respect. Encourage them to speak the truth.

3.  Seek ways to meet your spouse’s needs and be available if they just need to spend time with you.

4.  Put God at the center of your marriage, but be patient if your spouse doesn’t seem to quite “get it.”

5.  Pray earnestly each day for your spouse and your marriage.

Most of the emphasis today centers on the physical relationship of a couple, but great things follow when couples establish emotional intimacy.


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